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September 30, 2003

Lonely at the Top...

After four weeks of shuffling line-ups, daily viewing of the waiver wire and scouting the opponent's, one team is left at the top of the mountain. The Carolina Panthers are the lone undefeated team left in the league. They have proven to be a dominating adversary, racking up 364.70 points thus far. It doesn't look like they will lose this week either as they face the phins.

Yep the same scum that cannot keep their players in the line-up. I really have nothing good to say about an owner who can't even keep up with their own shit. I won't go into too much detail about my feelings for this person. I have too much money invested into therapy to screw it all up on someone who can't get off their mom's tit long enough to check their team...(great! here comes more therapy.)

I also have noticed that some teams did not have their entire roster active this past weekend. I can only say this, "If you do not want to play, email me and I will sort the teams out accordingly."  I will need you to give me control of your team so I can accomplish this. This is a simple process, that will only take you a couple of minutes. In the long run, it will make everyone a lot happier.

If you still want to play, but have just been too busy to pay attention lately...I understand. We all have obligations that must be attended. If this is so, (even in the phins' case) I apologize and wish you good luck throughout the rest of the season.

Yep, a total bummer that this week all I can talk about is the lack of integrity of some teams. Hopefully next week we can make it a little more light-hearted. BTW I apologize for last week's lack of article (like you even read it).. as I was a little under the weather.

On with the show..

September 16, 2003

THE OLD 5-2-5...

Well after another fascinating week of play in the MFL, five teams have escaped unscathed. Two teams are evened out at 1-1. While somewhere else, in the nether regions of football, five teams are battling it out for their first win.

At the bottom of this pile is the phins. The phins have put up a modest (we're being nice, OK?) 84.90 combined points over the last two games. For all of you who are not very good at math, that's 42.45 points per game. Yes it is bad. But there is hope for this team. For one, it's not about the points. It's all about wins.....then again, if you can't generate points, you can't get those elusive victories. Another bright spot for the phins- he's not alone.

Winner of last year's MFL "Chicken Foot Trophy", the Tampa Bay Mojo are also trying to find their first win. Coach Jojo was asked what he intended to do to right this ship. Click to listen: Interview with Jojo. Well he's not one for telling what is in store for their next opponents, but let's just say that it's probably just a crazy plot to get more advertising sponsors.

On top of their game, are the Carolina Panthers and the Fernandina Bungholes. The Panthers are coming off another "high score" performance. The Panthers roped the Llama Herders by more than doubling their score. Coach Ron Lykell of the Panthers stated, " We told you that we came to play. You all are just playa hatin." Word to your mother coach Lykell. The Bungholes gaffed the phins in a 70 to 34 rout. "Twas da  most horrible disgustin' match I ever layed me good eye on.", said a pirate that shall remain nameless.

The CANAM SUNS are looking hot, for the second week in a row they escaped with a win. Coach Dustin Dubree informed us that they were no doubt pleased with the way the team is sticking together and performing as a unit. He went on to add, "I haven't seen teamwork like that since Ron Jeremy and Jenna Jameson." Give the coach some credit. That was some good teamwork.

Note- It's guaranteed that there will be one less team that will remain winless as well as two  undefeated. The Red Devils face the Tampa Bay Mojo, the Fernandina Bungholes face the CANAM SUNS and the Carolina Panthers face the Storms Eye. Looks like it will be a fun weekend.

Good Luck.....except the Devils. LOL

September 9, 2003

WEEK ONE IN THE BOOKS...

Quite an interesting first week in the MFL. The average score was barely over 65 points. "That's just not going to cut it.", complained the head ball coach of the Red Devils. Coach Bub also stated that he would be formulating a change in direction for the team. He wouldn't go into detail about these plans, but said that human sacrifice and orgies may play a big part. That and all jersey numbers added together would equal six hundred and sixty six. I have to tell you, that coach is one superstitious character.

Also trying to get into the winning mode is the reigning world champion Tampa Bay Mojo. We talked with coach Jojo and he was quite upset at the outcome of their first game. "We played like dogs. Hey, that gives me an idea.", stated coach Jojo. We then followed the coach to the locker room, where we heard his post-game speech to his players. Click here to listen to an excerpt of coach Jojo's uplifting speech. He sure knows how to motivate his team. I'm sure that it comes from all those Dale Carnegie classes. Nevertheless, the Mojo should put forth a better effort next week.

Big win this week for the Carolina Panthers. Carolina beat the Telecom Geeks by more than 20 points. Team Long Range Strategic Planner, Kay Sera stated, "Everyone should look for big things from the Panthers this year. I look for us to be the champs, but if we aren't, oh well. That's life." Very moving words coming from the Panthers' camp. Coach and former emergency preparedness director, Ron Lykell stated, "We went out there and proved that we were contenders today. We bent the Geeks over and gave them and atomic wedgie that they will remember. Welcome to the MFL, Geeks!"

Another big win came from the Fernandina Bullheads. Coach McCann stated that they were very pleased with the outcome of the game. He also stated that, by his calculations there isn't any competition this year. "We are going to walk away with the trophy and there's nothing anyone can do about it." stated the exuberant coach. The coach was then asked if maybe he was being a bit too cocky. He replied, "You might as well start calling us the champions." You have to give the coach some credit for positive thinking, even if it is a bit early for predictions.

Congratulations to all who won this week. Keep up the good work. To all you others, WAKE UP! The season has already started.

September 2, 2003

LET'S GET IT STARTED!

In the immortal words of MC Hammer, "Let's get it started".

Welcome back to another fun filled freak fest that is commonly known as THE MOJO FOOTBALL LEAGUE. This year should prove to be just as entertaining as the last. The difficulties on Wall Street have definitely found their way into the MFL. Less than 40% of the teams that make up the league, are from last year. Change in ownership coupled with teams moving to different cities is how most of the off-season was spent. Generation of funds seemed to be a top priority for most new teams.

These new teams are: The E A G L E S, the Cowboys, the Storms Eye, the phins, the Drafted, the CanAm Suns, and last but certainly not least the Telecom Geeks. These teams are fired up and ready to prove that they are indeed worthy to be in the same league as some of the greats. Namely, the veteran teams returning for a second year.

The veteran teams that churned it out last year are: The Red Devils, Llama herders, Carolina Panthers, Fernandina Bullheads, and of course, the World Champion Tampa Bay Mojo. You might not recognize some of these veteran squads. Two of these have gone through name changes in an attempt to generate a spark in their respective locker rooms. The first of these is the Fernandina Bullheads a.k.a. Fernandina Bungholes. I spoke with coach McCann, and he stated, "We got pretty reamed last year in some of those games. We just felt that Bungholes represented the wrong image." When asked about this new image being compared to the horrific STD known as the "Bullhead Clap", coach McCann replied, "We figure nobody wants a piece of the ol' bullhead." Truer words were never spoken coach.

Next to return with a changed moniker were the Red Devils. You might remember them as the Shadowbears (were still trying to figure that one out) or when they changed ownership and became known as the Wolves. Well, the team has returned to the original owner once more. Hopefully he can put forth a better effort than he did last. A weak start to the season, forced the owner into hiding. Reports surfaced later detailing a stay at a local mental institution. Rumors spread throughout the league and before anyone knew what was happening, the owner had sold the team and the name had changed. The only thing that actually remained the same, was the losing. They managed to put together a couple of "two-in-a-rows", but that was it. Let's hope that an infusion of sanity helps them this year.

Good luck to all in this first week of competition. You're gonna need it.

More updates to follow.........